How to Share Concerns About Student Behavior in Ministry

Does this sound familiar?

A new student joins your ministry. They’ve been attending Sunday school for a few weeks, but things aren’t going smoothly. 

You notice they struggle to regulate during Sunday school. They drop to the floor and cry when they have to transition from one activity to the next. You can’t get them to sit in their learning spot for more than a minute at the time. You know you could support this student better, but you don’t know where to start.

You aren’t sure if you should bring your concerns up to the parent. You’re worried the interaction may be awkward, you’re afraid of offending the parent, or you straight up just don’t know what to say.  

We’ve all been there. But here’s the truth: staying silent doesn’t serve anyone—not the child, not the parent, and not you.

Parents want their kids to succeed in Sunday school and learn about Jesus. And you want to support them. Starting these conversations may feel uncomfortable, but families will thank you for showing that you care.

Here are 3 steps I take when starting conversations with parents:

1. Start with positives. Share something you loved about having their child in class. It doesn’t need to be huge! For example: “Johnny had so much energy today—he seemed really excited to be here!”

2. Gently express concerns. Speak with empathy and use soft language. Instead of saying, “Johnny hit six kids today,” try, “I’ve noticed Johnny has been struggling to have a safe body during Sunday school.”

3. Learn from the parent. Parents are the experts on their kids. Ask open-ended questions: “Is this something you’ve noticed at home or school? How do you handle it?” Show them you’re committed to working together to help their child thrive.

Here’s an example of what this might sound like:

“Hi Mrs. Smith, it’s been wonderful having Johnny in Sunday school these past few weeks! He brings so much energy to the classroom and has a lot of fun while he’s here. I’ve noticed he sometimes struggles to keep his hands to himself. Is this something you’ve seen at home or school? You know him best—are there any strategies that work well for him? We’d love to implement them to make sure Johnny has a great experience and builds positive connections with the other kids.”

Simple, right? Start with the positive, share your concerns with care, and invite collaboration.

If you’re still unsure where to start, don’t worry—I’ve got you covered. Inside our Disability Etiquette Mini-Course, we’ve created conversation scripts to guide you step-by-step and help you feel confident every time.

You don’t have to navigate this alone. Let’s equip you to have meaningful, impactful conversations that truly make a difference.